Intro

Hello and welcome to the first of a hopefully, soon to be daily blog that reviews video games and other such gaming related things such as consoles, the console war and the shadowy society of geeks that shroud each and every game you'll ever think of purchasing. Most of them live in a dark alley near you, playing D&D, and flicking their D20s menacingly.A few things you will need to know about the way I review these things though:

1. I don't use numbers such as "5/5" to show my thoughts on a game.While I've tried this in the past I always get hung up on which number best describes the game and whether its a "4" game or a "3" game. Eventually I came to the conclusion that every step of an opinion cannot be condensed into a numeral and still keep most of the meaning.For example I can say "Barbie’s wild adventures in pimptown made the seven remaining brain cells in my head huddle together for warmth followed by a prolonged death as the game impaled its terrible ending through the sockets of my eyes" but that wouldn't be the same as saying "this game got a 3/5."

2. I do break up the game into more bite sized delectable chunks that just so happen to smile back at you. Toward the end of most of my reviews I will do a quick recap on all the points I will make on these points of the game:
Graphics - "Its so pretty! I feel like my TV is radiating rainbows!" Sound - "John Williams could have done better..."
Story - "how does 'and then the sci-fi hero rode in, killed everyone and ran off with big chested girl into the sunset' make a good plot?!"
Controls - "A = murder. B = Kill. Y = Jump. X = Pick up idiot and throw him in the nearest dumpster"
Overall fun - "I've had more fun injecting several gallons of LSD into my bloodstream and then watching 'Sesame Street' until I hit a coma"
Multiplayer and Single Player - Really. This is self explanatory by now.

3. I'm also going to be reviewing the glitches and community for certain games. While I should join this with number two, the two primary differences of this number and the last one is how the last one will review games based upon the way they were meant to be played and this will review the games the way the players actually play it in a competitive scene. A good example of this is Halo 3. I can say both game's graphics are lovely and make the master chief's armored bikini pop out like the pedophile in your closet or that the game play is fun because the controls really put you into the main character's place (These are not my real opinions of the game), but it wouldn't fully cover some of the more advanced forms of gunplay such as how to frag any opponent within 4 shots no matter where you hit them and how that puts the battle rifle as the most competitive weapon. Then I'd have to go on and on about other further uses of the battle rifle and how it overshadows every other weapon to a damning silent existence.

With all of that now aside, the first game I'll be reviewing for sure is Too Human, which is about a Silicon Knight's take on Norse Mythology and their sad sorry attempt to turn it into a game.